what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize