Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
