so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
