I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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