You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
