sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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