remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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