I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
