I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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