I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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