I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
