I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You are the jesus of drinking
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
