I want to make a zoo with you.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think your dad took our porno
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
