why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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