Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
