I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
