Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
