I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
