dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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