It was confusing and full of hummus
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize