It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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