that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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