"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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