either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
