last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
