guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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