My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
