i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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