chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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