so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
