Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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