omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
