i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
