you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
