$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
