I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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