you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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