Have you finally orgasmed yet?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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