O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
