yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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