from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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