When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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