I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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