Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
