dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
