Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
