and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
