i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
