someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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