You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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