My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
