we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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