Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
