I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
