I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
