So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize