im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
