If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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