she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
