it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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