I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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