Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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