Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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